Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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