Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
