I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Randomize
