At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
