Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
