well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
