Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize