I don't usually arrange sex via text message
he thought i was a dude.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
