I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
