Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
