Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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