why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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