Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
