If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
