I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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