I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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