i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
