And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
