How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
