shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
