We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
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