Are we in a gay sports bar?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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