My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
