My entire life is one complicated drinking game
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
