I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
