So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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