I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
All I want is dick and wine.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize