he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Randomize
