Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
