I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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