I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
