I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
