Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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