Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize