she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
