i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
