He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize