i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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