I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
