i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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