I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
