my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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