i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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