when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
