I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
