good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize