Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
