so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
