I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
