is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
