I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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