mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
