i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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