Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
how drunk are you?
Several
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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