she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
