Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
