Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
