i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
