I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
