Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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