Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
