So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
