I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize