This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
