if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
